


I just wanna make love to you

by KatyasDeadDad



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Fluff, Other, jalaska, slightlyabusivesharon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24686581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatyasDeadDad/pseuds/KatyasDeadDad
Summary: It had really started during the filming of season 5 of Rupaul’s Drag Race, then more things happened at different occasions.All that led to the two realising, that this was right. This was love
Relationships: Jinkx Monsoon/Alaska Thunderfuck 5000
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	I just wanna make love to you

**Author's Note:**

> I might have been slightly high, so I’m really sorry if any pronouns have been swapped or things don’t make sense.

It really just happened right after Jinkx was crowned as the winner of season 5. It wasn't that Alaska was mad about it, despite her tantrums, it's that she was so lost in herself. And Jerick being Jerick, they were concerned as of why Justin would react the way he did.

They had expected Sharon to be some sort of a rock for Justin to lean on, but it didn't take long until they noticed that Sharon might in fact have been the opposite.

The previous winner seemed to be the part that brought those sides of Justin for the world to view. Like she was the reason her lover felt the way he did, as if Justin feared his partner's reaction behind closed doors.

Of course Jerick knew about the alcohol and drug problems, but Sharon wasn't abusive, right?

"I promise that if I have a tantrum, it's not about you. It's just the way I am." Justin had told them with a soft laugh as the two got ready for the finale. "I know you're going to win, I can sense it. And I'm a very sore loser."

Jerick would have replied with something like “oh no, don’t say that. I personally think it’s you.” or comfort the skinny man with a hug. Instead, they were too taken aback by the honesty.

It was no secret that they had become great friends after filming drag race, Alaska being one of the only people who actually respected Jinkx’s drag and her work ethics, even though she was too bundled up on winning to become friends.

It was the 7th episode, Jerick thought to themselves, that they really gained respect for what Alaska was.

It was the day after Alaska had been insecure about being in Sharon’s shadows, and Jinkx truly felt like the judges weren’t liking what she gave. Jerick chuckled at the memory. When entering the workroom, Detox and Roxxxy went on with their ‘Rolaskatox’, and Alaska came in and yelled her own name.

The smile echoed on their lips as they thought about the laughter the two had shared after that moment, and the small reassuring hug Alaska gave them as some sort of a silent ‘I don’t hate you, I promise.’

Jinkx’s heart ran at a million miles per hour for the few seconds that Alaska touched her, and Jerick’s did ten times more.

Even worse so, the next episode they had committed the stupid mistake of saying they had a crush on Ivy. It was easier that way, than to say “Alaska, do you know how much I genuinely like you?” It didn’t help that the two queens were both kind and bony, Ivy being the closest thing to Alaska that they could think of. Maybe they wanted a reaction, as if being a teenager in middle school too afraid to ask out their crush, but it hurt nonetheless to see Alaska’s mild reaction.

Besides, Alaska had Sharon. They were the royal couple, as in love as they could be. (Or not, as it turned out.)

Alaska wasn’t fit to win at that point, it was so obvious that she said it herself. So obvious that Sharon said it, and everyone thought it. It wouldn’t work out in the end. Alaska, more specifically Justin, was too fragile and unstable. Jerick hated Sharon for that, for bragging so much about her win. It put this insecure and afraid person with an ego too big in a position where it was either win the whole thing or be known as the loser of the relationship.

Justin liked to complain about that. Well, more so vent about it.

It had been a few weeks after filming the finale, they had been sat on the small porch of a local queen’s house in the middle of New York. Sharon had been kicked out of the party hours ago, so drunk that she’d yell at everyone and everything. Jerick and Justin shared a joint and laughed about how fun it had been and how lightweight Phi Phi had been.

The sun was coming up, melts of orange and pink filling the sky and hitting Justin’s features in such a delicate way that Jerick was sure they felt their whole body twitch.

“Sometimes I don’t think I’m meant to be a drag superstar.” Justin had mumbled, taking a sip of the beer. “Like, I don’t think there’s space for both me and Sharon to be winners. She’s already a hazard as it is.”

Jerick frowned, reaching over to take Justin’s hand, careful not to visibly flinch over how worryingly cold it was.

“Don’t say that, I’m sure it’ll work out. You’re made for the job, remember how beautiful you looked when they filmed your crowning? God, the crowd went wild. Besides, you two love each other. It’ll work out.”

Justin didn’t reply after that. Instead he more or less snatched the joint from Jerick’s hand and combined it with desperate gulps of the strong alcohol in his hand.

“She’s cheating.”

“What?” Jerick frowned. Sharon wouldn’t cheat, they were the royal couple.

“With the makeup artist, Chad. More than once actually. He was stupid enough to leave his wallet in our hotel room..” oh. “It’s okay, I cheated on her too after that. Well, not cheated, but she thinks I did. I befriended a guy in Texas.”

“Oh.” This one was audible, and was followed by a deep sigh. “Are you sure? I.. I don’t want to be poki-“

“Yes I’m sure.” Justin had snapped, clearly bothered. “I’m sorry dude it’s just.. I didn’t think she would do that.”

Dude.

Jerick knew it wasn’t their moment to be bothered about, but it still silently hurt. Even if Justin had no idea what went on in their mind. So it came as a burst of feelings, a sudden word vomit;

“I don’t think I have a gender.”

“What?” Justin looked at them like they had three heads. “What do you mean?”

“I..” Jerick looked down to fiddle with the fluffy ball on their keychain. “I honestly don’t know. I don’t think I’m Male or female, I’m just Jerick.”

“Oh, non-binary?” Justin gave them a soft smile, squeezing their warmed hand that still hadn’t let go of his.

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s cool, you know. Honestly, gender norms are so fucked up. I mean, I don’t relate to your feelings, but the world of drag really has opened my eyes to this whole new spectrum of femininity and masculinity. Labels are so weird. I like to think of myself as an unlabelled label, mostly because I’m so feminine yet comfortable in my birthed gender.” Justin was drunk, his words slurred, but it made so much sense to Jerick.

“Exactly. I used to think I was transgender, because the femininity of drag is so fucking comfortable, but I’m also comfortable in my masculinity. I don’t think I can put a label to what I am, I’m just me.”

“And that’s valid too, Jerick.” Justin took another sip. “Soo..are you still comfortable as being referred to as a he?”

“I genuinely haven’t thought much about that. I’m so used to it, what people call me, but I also find comfort in she when I’m in drag.”

“They, then? I know my cousin prefers that.”

“They.” Jerick let the word linger on their tongue, clicking it gently as if to test it. Maybe it was the alcohol and weed, or the fact that it was Justin of all people who said it, but it felt right.

“How’s Ivy by the way?”

“Ivy?”

“You know, the crush?” Justin nudged their knee, encouraging them to go on.

It was you the whole time, always you.

“Oh.. we don’t really talk. Besides, she has a partner already.” They waved it off, and Jerick could have sworn they saw some sort of hope flash on Justin’s features.

The winner reaction night itself had been a complete mess, with Alaska not throwing one, but two, temper tantrums. One while performing and another one when the crowning actually happened.

Sharon was nowhere to be seen, apparently having left with Chad and a couple of other people on her team after her and Alaska fought. The younger queen was rather secretive about it, but being in the dressing room next door had Jinkx hear every little bit.

They had argued about a silly thing, about Sharon not wanting Alaska to go out in a trash bag dress incase she actually got crowned as the winner, not being sensitive enough to keep out words like “though I doubt you will.” Alaska had been crying, then yelling, then the two of them yelled and threw things at each other.

Jinkx wanted nothing more but to cradle that fragile being whilst she cried, but the time limit was too short for her to simply stick around.

Instead, it came before the after party. In fact, Jerick couldn’t even remember if they attended the after party. They were in Alaska’s dressing room, wiping away tear stained makeup and removing a wig that stuck to said tear stained makeup. Alaska, continuously growing into Justin, had been sobbing wordlessly for over an hour.

“Are you okay?” The question cake all too late, yet too early.

“Yeah just.. me and Sharon will work it out. We always do.” Always do? Does this happen often? Jerick wanted to ask those words, but couldn’t.

“Well, I was warned about a tantrum but didn’t expect this.” They tried to ease the mood, earning a small chuckle here and there. “Have you eaten today?”

Justin shook his head and Jerick sighed, reaching into their bag to grab one of the lunch bars that they always kept with them to fight the tiredness that came with narcolepsy.

“Here.”

Justin took small bites through red eyes that would shed tears. Not red from crying, but from the drugs that the stupid fuck (in Jerick’s words) had digested on and on again before the reaction. Jerick didn’t bother to ask, they knew that people coped with stress differently, and they were high themselves.

“I’m sure the two of you will work it out-“ Justin cut them off, almost making them drop the bottle of makeup remover.

“No, stop saying that. Why don’t everyone fucking stop saying that.” It was almost a yell, frustration breaking through. But his voice broke after that, weakness flooding through. The same weakness that Jerick wanted to shove away with kisses and light touches. “The worst part is that if we break up.. Aaron always finds a way to put me in blame. It’ll be that he cheated because I didn’t give him enough attention as that makeup artist, that he was too disappointed in my loss. It will be every single thing he can connect to it being my fault. For fucks sake, it was my fault when he had been drinking so much that piles of beer bottles were building up.”

Justin paused for a second, shaking with rage and sadness. “I’ve been auditioning for every single season of drag race, and haven’t gotten in until now. It’s no secret it was because Aaron did first. And the worst part? He auditioned as a joke. Because he was pissed at the locals tearing down his drag persona.”

Justin broke down, and Jerick held him. Tears stained their shirt, but they didn’t care. The only important thing was the fragile man in front of him, the broken man.

The next time that Jerick got to see Justin after that, outside of working with Alaska, was at a party in New York.

Apparently, Sharon had went to LA for a week without words, and Justin was left in a crappy hotel.

“Really, she just left you like that?” Jerick frowned, taking a hit of the cigarette they were sharing. It was stained with lips that were wet from sloppy drinking, but the two were okay with that.

“It’s okay.” Justin sighed, rubbing his jaw. “I yelled at him, he got pissed. It’s okay. It’ll work out.”

Jerick had heard that bullshit come out of Justin’s mouth so many times that they almost began believing it. Almost.

Justin looked pretty when he cried.

It was an absurd thought, to think of someone like that when they’re at their most vulnerable. But Jerick always thought he looked pretty, beautiful actually. Especially with the hue of a streetlight hitting his features and melting into them.

Justin looked pretty when he smiled, but that was a given.

Justin looked pretty when he laughed that shrilly shriek of a rumble, when he tilted his head back and clapped his hands together.

It was really just then, that Jerick actually realised what they felt for this man.

“Justin.” They breathed out after a long moment of eye contact that should’ve been much more uncomfortable than it felt.

“Shut up and kiss me.” It was a command, and who was Jerick to disobey? Being slightly taller than Justin, even by just an inch, they let their hand rest on the back of his neck and pulled him in for the most soft and caring kiss either two of them had ever felt. It was loving, soft.

I don’t want to keep you locked up, I don’t want to force you to be something else. I just want to make love to you. I can tell by the way that you walk, the way you talk and breathe, that I could give you all the loving in this whole world.

That moment led to something bigger. It had always been bigger, but now they both finally realised it.

It lead to Florida, after a gig. Alaska was laughing tipsily as they made their way back to whichever of their hotel rooms that was the closest, a high Jinkx following in short. Sharon wasn’t there, but that was the least of their concerns.

Jinkx’s corset was too tight to breathe properly in the presence of the person behind Alaska, and the blonde’s tuck was growing all too big to comfortably be held back as tightly as it was.

“God, this shit hurts.” Jerick whined as they removed the last piece of Jinkx visible on their body, Justin snorting from the bathroom. It was probably just the coke, but he had never been so turned on by another person before. Even if they didn’t do anything whatsoever to create that reaction. Maybe it was the soft touches that Jinkx would place on Alaska’s hips or shoulders, or the dirty jokes that landed a bit too perfectly.

“I cheated on Sharon with a guy in Texas, I’m just kidding it was really in Florida.” Those words describing that night vaguely were in one of the biggest songs Alaska had produced. It was played off as a joke, but it was the night that made it clear for Justin.

He had to leave Aaron.

And he did, months later than he should have, after way more fights than he should have let happen. It was the moment when he realised that Jerick’s soft kiss those months ago had been much more tender than any touch Aaron had placed upon his skin. The encouraging words they had spoken were filled with more love than Aaron had showed, and Jerick never craved the attention that Justin couldn’t give.

So that led them here, in Jerick’s bedroom somewhere in Portland, when Justin came over for Christmas. It was 2017, and the end of it felt greater than ever.

Justin laid a sleep, naked and at peace after hours of just being loved. Jerick sighed and stroke a small piece of hair behind his ear.

They looked over at the notebook of composed lyrics, well ideas to them. Then to the other ratty notebook they had gotten in France ten years ago.

It had been empty before they met Justin. Now it was filled with scribbles of their thoughts, of poetic things they wanted to keep with them.

On the page that was open to view in the bare moonlight that slipped through the window, were parts of what would become songs once it was all figured out.

“He’s really got a hold on me.” Was something Justin had said a month before breaking up with Aaron. Followed by drunk messy scribbles that led to a song, somewhat at least.

But the only words that really stuck, the ones Jerick remembered clearly like they were second nature. “I just wanna make love to you.” It was finished, about to be under review by friends and the people who’d release their music. It perfectly described how they wanted nothing from Justin, but for him to let them love him.

“I suppose you did let me love you, little Lasky.” Jerick whispered, watching the form of the sleeping man.

It was going to be okay, after all. Maybe Justin hadn’t been wrong this whole time.


End file.
